Free Fridays: Morning chaos.

“Lupus has two enemies: sun and stress. Please stay away from these,” my doctor says. Errr…. I look at my kids, especially my small ones. How do I stay away from them? 😂 There’s no such thing as no stress when you’re a mom! I don’t know how other moms experience it, but I had a moment where I had to sit and breathe because I was getting angry at the two small ones. They’re constantly fighting with each other. And then I felt guilty because... well, they’re just kids. And I asked myself why I’m always telling them off so hard about their mess and their slowness in eating their meals and spilling stuff etc. But if I don’t tell them off, nothing moves in this house. Then I saw this: This was sent to me by Fadza btw. So I guess that’s permission to keep yelling. 😂 The hardest is the mornings - to get all four kids woken up, pray and get ready. Getting all their clothes and preparing breakfast for the little ones, while getting myself ready too. And picking up the little toys on the floor as I pass them. While quickly washing the dishes, when we’re already late because the kids took too long to eat. Mind you, I don’t have a helper anymore so I’m also the helper. On top of being Mom trying to discipline, teach and nurture the kids. “Why are you still sleeping?” “Yes, already snoozed 10 minutes!” “Why are you taking so long in there?” “Have you eaten your vitamins?” “Put on your clothes now!” “Stop wetting the entire bathroom!” “Enough looking in the mirror!” “Comb your hair again.” The hardest one to manage is of course, Idris. He takes his time and dances around the house naked so that I’ll catch him. He plays in the shower and sprays the entire bathroom because he says he’s a fireman putting out a fire. Then he refuses to clean up his toys and asks why should he do so (I’m so tired of explaining that we have to be responsible for our own toys). Then I delegate dressing him to the other siblings but he throws a fuss and says he only wants Mommy. Which delays the other 99 things Mommy needs to do. So you can bet I’m shouting the entire beautiful journey we call Morning. In the car, I find comfort in listening to morning adhkar (zikir) to calm myself down and also to remind myself to be grateful. Because I know at the end of the day what a privilege it is to have them. They’re not mine, they’re temporary gifts from Allah swt that can be taken away from me anytime. So while I get the honor of having my children, I better soak up all the sweetness there is in motherhood (even if I have to dig deep sometimes…). My friend said to me, “One day, you won’t have these rushed mornings anymore and the house will be so quiet, too quiet.” 😭 Ok ok, I love them. That night, Sarah hugged me at bedtime and said “Mommy, I think you’re an awesome Mom because you take good care of us.” Sorry, guys. That’s my melted heart puddle on the floor. Let me get a mop. She has never said this to me, and I really think it’s because we have no helper now so she sees how much more I do for them. I gathered my emotions and said, “I love taking care of you guys.” And she smiled herself to sleep after that. All they see in the morning is a stressed mother getting the entire household together - that’s what they go to school with. ☹️ But actually in the overall picture, I am a very happy and grateful mother. 😍 Do they know this? I had a realisation that maybe, I’ve never told them this. I should tell them that I love being around them, I love taking care of them and even through all the times Mommy is stressed, I would never trade being their mother for anything else. Idris then comes to me, this big troublemaker of mine. He wraps his arms around me, plonks himself onto my lap and says sleepily, “Idris love Mommy.” Argh these kids. They sure know how to wrap your heart around their tiny powerful little fingers. I sleep hugging him that night. Knowing very well that the next morning I’ll be shouting at him again to get ready for school. Happy Mother’s Day, yalls. Let me know you’ve read this. Comment happy mother’s day! on my latest post at @sincerelyvivy. See you there! :)