Fucking Season, Finale: Strapping On When You’re Plus Size

Buckle up, baby. There’s a lot in this one. If you’ve got kids around, put your headphones on, get their ears covered, whatever you need to do- viewer discretion is advised. This post is explicit, but it’s also tender and practical and deeply about embodiment. Today we’re talking about strap-ons, specifically: how to wear a strap-on when you’re plus size how to find your confidence and your rhythm positions that actually work (without you feeling like you’re dying) and what to do when your brain tries to turn sex into a performance review If you’re new here: hi. I’m Jessamyn. I’m a yoga teacher, author, and founder of The Underbelly, and I’ve been fat my whole life- which means I’ve only ever strapped while fat. I’ve also been with partners who weren’t fat and who strapped, and yes: the experience of strapping is different if you are fat. Not worse. Not better. Just different. And I want you to have a strap-on experience that feels empowering, hot, and doable in the body you have right now. This is the full guide, and then I pulled the big ideas into writing below. Once you’ve chosen a harness and a dildo that fit your body, the real work is surprisingly not about the gear. It’s about: Gender expression Body awareness Endurance + physical preparedness Let’s go. Strapping on is not about “putting on a toy.” It’s about claiming your dick and experiencing gender euphoria. It’s identity. It’s energy. It’s power. And it’s play. Here’s the most important thing I can say: Wear the harness on your hips, under your belly, not up at your waist. When your strap rides too high on your waist, your dick floats away from your pelvic thrust and can get harder to control. It’s harder to feel connected and it starts to feel like you’re operating machinery instead of embodying your multidimensional essence. So: get it down in your groin, positioned over your genital area. And then do something that might feel silly until it feels holy: Get embodied with your dick. Touch it. Stroke it. Sit on the bed and hold it like it’s yours. Stand in the bathroom and look at yourself. Not because you need to “perform masculinity” or “get it right,” but because you deserve to feel: This is part of me. This belongs to me. I’m not borrowing power- I’m inhabiting it. This is how it becomes euphoria instead of an accessory. If you’re fat, there’s a decent chance you’ve learned to ignore your body to get through the day. That’s not a character flaw. That’s survival. But strap sex is one of those moments where dissociation will make everything harder- physically and emotionally. So before you get “down to business,” I recommend a practice that is simple and extremely effective: look at yourself in the mirror pick up your belly massage your belly with care, especially the places that feel tight, tender, numb, or complicated let your hands travel: belly → chest → neck → face… and down into thighs, butt, and back Not to “fix” anything. Not to psych yourself up. To arrive. Because your thighs, glutes, and back are about to do work. And your belly is not an obstacle- it’s part of your erotic body. Treat it like it’s allowed to be there. When in doubt, revisit this video for tips on how to touch your body. The person who asked me this question was probably asking: “How do I strap without feeling like it’s the last thing I’ll ever do?” Valid. Strap sex can be physically intense for a few reasons: thrusting pace positions and honestly, the biggest one: mind games If you’re in your head- comparing yourself to porn, trying to act out a role, worrying if you’re doing it right, thinking about whether they like you, or literally making a grocery list-your body is going to get tired faster. Your nervous system is working overtime. So here are my rules: keep it casual be willing to laugh don’t take the plastic dick too seriously Because it’s funny. And hot. And human. And if you make room for humor, you make room for truth. You don’t need a script. You need honesty. Say: “This angle feels weird.” “Can we switch positions?” “Slower.” “More shallow.” “Pause- I need a water break.” And if something awkward happens (and it will), it’s so much easier when you and your partner can stay connected and not spiral into shame. Porn will have you believing you need to be an acrobat. You don’t. Here are my go-tos: If you’re tired: this is your cheat code. Low endurance for you, high control for them. (Just know: being on top can be demanding for your partner’s hips and low back, so check in with them to make sure they’re enjoying it as much as you are.) Partner on their back, belly, or knees in front of you. Standing gives you power and stability. This is hot, but it can be core + quad + knee heavy. Great for a while, then switch. Intimate. Close. Connected. But it requires communication about comfort and pressure. And yes: sometimes your belly is part of the experience. Sometimes partners love being smooshed. Sometimes you’ll want to move your belly around until it feels right. Also: it can be incredibly affirming if your partner touches your belly confidently and lovingly- if that’s something you want. I, personally, fucking love it and can’t recommend it enough. Whole new level of body acceptance unlocked with just this move alone. Talk about it beforehand. Check in during. Debrief after. You do not need to thrust like a jackhammer for twenty minutes. That’s a fast track to exhaustion and resentment. Try: slow and steady shallow strokes for a while switch to external stimulation switch to oral pause completely and reset Variety isn’t just sexier- it’s smarter. It helps you last longer and stay present. This is the last official Sunday post of Fucking Season. And if you take nothing else from the series, take this: Your body is not a barrier to pleasure. Your body is the home of it. I love you. See you in the comments. 💋