Life Changes and So Do We

Our availability to other people shifts throughout our lives. When that happens, it is not necessarily personal. When a friend changes, we sometimes interpret it as a reflection of how they feel about us, when in reality the two may have nothing to do with each other. People are allowed to want something different. I can remember a time when my Pinterest board was full of recipes. At another point, it was nothing but fashion. Then there was a season when it was all baby hats. These shifts reflect where we are in our lives. That evolution shows up in: Our Instagram feeds Our friend circles Our family relationships How we show up at work This is part of life’s natural flow, yet we often pressure ourselves to keep up with who we used to be, even when that no longer serves us. We might cling to staying up late like we did when we were younger, even though we now have kids and early mornings. What is the point of that? Why not just go to bed? It is okay to allow ourselves to shift and to allow that same freedom for other people. Rather than holding others to an old version of who they were, we can look for new ways to connect instead of taking their change personally. If there is someone we used to talk to all the time and they get a new job, our communication might naturally slow down. That does not mean the relationship is over. We can reach out and ask, “What is a good time for you to talk?” and find a new rhythm. We do not have to let go of people simply because their interests have changed. If we want our relationships to grow as we grow, we have to learn how to make space for people in new ways. I love drinking tea, but I have a friend who can no longer drink certain teas for health reasons. So I do not talk to her about tea the way I used to. There are so many other things we can share and enjoy together. When my kids were in elementary school, they wanted to spend endless amounts of time with me. As they get older and move into the preteen phase, they naturally want more time with their friends. That does not mean we will not spend time together anymore. It may just look different. Maybe now our time together is shopping, gossiping, or watching a show we both enjoy. If we want to maintain our relationships, we have to be willing to pivot. We cannot hold ourselves or other people to who they used to be. If we want to be fair and loving, we have to offer grace and get creative about how we stay connected. What changes in your life have required you to shift your relationships? How have those shifts been received? We lost a beautiful soul and master in the field of psychology, Dr. Edith Eger. Her books, The Choice and The Gift, were recommended here; they are phenomenal. Check out this article on her life and work. If You Never Fight, Someone Is Hiding, by John Kim LMFT, in Psychology Today. What Happens When You Stop Explaining Yourself, by Stephanie A. Sarkis, Ph.D., in Psychology Today. Scarpetta. Maybe it’s the therapist in me, but I love a good serial killer drama. This is an excellent show. I swear Nicole Kidman chooses her roles so thoughtfully. Whatever she’s in, I’m giving it a shot. You can watch Scarpetta on Prime Video. How to Talk to Your Aging Parents About Their Finances, on the Life Kit podcast. You can listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you stream podcasts.